I am a loner

 I am happiest, most content and most balanced when I am alone with myself. I know that very many people cannot understand that. And in the past few years I have heard a lot that you get lonely, or that I just tell myself that, or that I am afraid of contacts. When I’m alone with myself, I am easy. I don’t have to maintain a mask of personality. You may have already seen this in yourself. At work, with friends, with family or with a partner … You feel and act differently with everyone.

We can assume and embody different personalities, we can change them if we feel like it.

But in the depth there is something that is not defined by words and does not identify with them. What has no personality, but is simple. And that’s what I feel most comfortable with. It actually costs me a lot of energy to keep this mask up and by that I don’t mean that I am acting totally inauthentic. Only, if I were to drop the mask in front of you or others, I would keep quiet about you. Therefore, when choosing a partner, for example, I make sure that being silent with this person feels good and not uncomfortable. That is very important to me personally. I try to work on feeling more secure with my masks, to find a healthy balance in order to feel less exhausted after social contacts. I tend to adapt quickly to the personalities of others and always have to be careful not to reveal my values ​​in the process.

My need to communicate with others verbally and with physical presence has never been particularly pronounced, which many do not understand. I am regularly asked by people online whether I would like to meet up for coffee and chat in person. When I then ask “why” the answer is often “just” or “to get to know each other”. To the answer “just like that” I react of course with the fact that my time for “just like that” is too precious and when I then ask “what for?” The answer is “just like that” at the latest or there is no reaction at all.

I am someone, I need a purpose in order to do something, in order to let my energy flow into something.

I am a loner

Many people are not at all aware of the purpose and why they want to get to know someone and they also do not know why they want to talk to or exchange ideas with others. Social contacts are therefore a matter of course for them, which should not be questioned. Since there is no natural need for social contact in me, I questioned myself and came to the conclusion that I am actually really happy and satisfied with myself and that I just didn’t build this idea of ​​community in my head. I think it was always a matter of self-protection somewhere to keep my social environment manageable. Many people have turned away from me, which has always benefited me. I’m not someone who feels like or sees a point in paying a lot of attention to others. I am one of those people you have to contact because I am not taking the initiative. Which is precisely because I don’t feel the need to talk to other people.

I am a loner

In 2020 I met someone online. We exchanged profound emails and I thought I once “found” someone who just as likes to philosophize and has a spiritual mind and with whom it is not exhausting but rather inspiring to spend time with. That’s why I met with this person. He came to Istanbul especially for a few days.

Only then the reality looked completely different … It was very difficult to talk to him.

As profound as he made the impression in his emails, he was not at all. Quite the opposite was the case. He was superficial, constantly criticizing other people. I didn’t expect so much resentment and unreflection. I was glad when he was gone again.

Such experiences have shown me that I don’t need to convince myself to have people around me and to exchange ideas with them, because “everyone” does it that way. Or out of an unnecessary fear of being lonely. I am never lonely At no point in time. It’s just the thought “Oh, I’m so lonely” that makes us feel lonely. Do not think that thought. It’s that simple. That thought that you need community in order not to be lonely is a problem you created yourself.

I took a walk a few days ago. Around a lake and on this lake many ducks swam around together. Among them was one with white plumage. I’ve never seen a white duck before. Why do I mention this observation … I am similar to this duck. Just unlike her, I would have preferred to swim alone on the lake … I know, some of you wish I were just like that duck so that you can finally get to know each other personally; D

And yes, this duck is way ahead of me. She swam around with the other ducks with ease. And that’s something I’m going to work on. Not that I will meet people all the time in the future, but when I am around people, I want it to feel easy for me and not always be happy to be alone again afterwards.

I have already found the minimum set for this, now I just have to apply it and live it.

It is the personality that we define using adjectives and other words. I’ve wasted some time trying to figure out who I really am. Ultimately, it was always a search for words. Always trying to identify yourself using a term. What is a concept, a word? Just a thought again. A while ago I realized that I am not my thoughts. That I’m not my brain And that I don’t need words to know who I am. Because I am simple. I am life. I don’t need to know any more.

This is one of the reasons why I distanced myself from BDSM. I no longer wanted to identify with words like submissive, dominant, switch. The question of what it was for me only annoyed me at some point. I still get some of them today. Then I answer: nothing. I can be anything I want when I want to. And I just don’t want to be submissive or dominant anymore. It no longer gives me joy in life. It limits me and constricts me. I also believe that this is where really fulfilling sex begins. Apart from any ideas and concepts … But that’s another topic.

I only use the word loner to make it clear to others that I do not need them or have no need for personal communication and that it is not up to them personally that I am not interested in getting to know each other. It’s just a shame that not everyone can accept this fact and tries to persuade me … But if someone is not hungry, you can try to make the best 5 course menu tasty for them, it will not work.